I came back into the store tonight after being outside for a few minutes. At one of the checkouts, I see four bags packed with groceries. At the front end of the till is another customer just beginning to unload his cart, so I know these four bags aren't his. I look quizzically at the cashier and she says, "She just left".

As I'm asking for a little clarification on the whole customer-leaving issue, this woman comes from the direction of the far doors, pushing an empty cart, and stops at the till. She looks right at me, who wasn't even there when she bought her groceries, and says "I assumed you were going to put them in the cart for me".

"Not having been here at the time, I was sadly unaware that you wanted me to, ma'am.", I offer diplomatically. So I load her cart and send her on her way.

But seriously, how inattentive can you be? First she doesn't notice as she leaves the checkout that there are four full bags still sitting there. Then she doesn't notice that she is pushing an empty cart until she gets outside, then she doesn't notice that the person she's picked to chastise wasn't even around when she walked off. I think that's pretty damn funny, don't you?

It's hot here in Calgary. Most normal people aren't shocked by this, because it's summer, dontcha know? But apparently this little meteorological tidbit managed to escape at least one fellow and caught him completely off-guard tonight.

He comes up to the store's Customer Service desk this evening while I'm keeping an eye on it for the supervising cashier. He asks if we have any fans. I choke back my scornful laughter and politely tell him we're sold out. "They're in your flier this week", he says, gruffly.

Now, I've adopted a new policy at Safeway. If you're not giving me any reason to like you, I reply only to questions. You want to spit a sentence in my face, I will stare at you until I die, or the end of my shift. Only a rising pitch at the end will warrant a response from me. Naturally, this customer is unfamiliar with my policy, so he waits a few seconds before he guesses it's still his turn. "Why don't you have any? Shouldn't you have them in stock if they're in the flier?"

My criteria met, I reply: "Sir, we don't have any because they were all purchased and we have yet to receive more. I suspect the cause is the weather. It's been rather warm these past few weeks, sir."

"But they're in the flier."

I smile politely. This is mostly to cover the maniacal grin threatening to split my face as the silence extends.

"When do you expect to get more?" he finally asks, in a manner suggesting that I bought all the fans myself in order to piss him off. Ironically, this is not too far from the truth; my mother bought 5 of them.

"I'm afraid I'm not certain, sir." Readers will please note my polite tone at this point. "Stores have been having trouble keeping them in stock. I suspect our warehouse merchandisers failed to anticipate the call for fans this month..."

"I'm not interesting in hearing about your handicaps.", he interrupts. I glance at his forehead, looking for a small v-shaped scar beneath his hairline. The reason for this odd reaction that I have a small v-shaped scar beneath my hairline. His reaction is so similar to what I would have said in his place that I briefly wonder if this man is me from the future. Sadly, there is no scar, so I abandon my theory. I also abandon my new policy, replying despite his failure to phrase his gripe in the form of a question.

"Ah", I begin. "I'll cut right to the heart of the matter then, sir. I'm sorry we are out of stock on the fans. That apology was the only remuneration Safeway intends to offer in this situation, and you are welcome to check back at anytime for new stock. Now in order to prevent this upset in customer service from evolving from an isolated incident into an epidemic, I will take my leave of you and tend to my other customers. Good evening."

I turned on my heel and began bagging on the closest till. My desperate urge was to turn around and watch the man's reaction, but I resisted. I can only imagine him shaking in silent umbrage and walking meekly away. He would have had a better shot trying that with me if he was Future-Ian.