Employee Slogans, Part I

Safeway has recently adopted a new corporate slogan: Giving our Best. Nick and I got to thinking, and we determined that corporate Safeway can adopt as inane a corporate slogan as they like, and they can slap it all over as many papers and bags as they see fit, but the common employees will always live by their own creedos (creedii?), which may or may not more arcurately reflect what Safeway is actually giving.

Ian's Top 5 Safeway Employee Slogans:
Safeway: We do our best... not to laugh at you until you've left.
Safeway: We do less... for more!
Safeway: We won't strangle you, even though you probably deserve it.
Safeway: For the love of god, stop your whining, you filthy miscreant.
Safeway: Serving our customers proudly, unless something more interesting comes up.

See below for Nick's top five, which will doubtlessly be better.
Posted 1/28/2002 08:19:02 AM by Ian Wallace

Employee Slogans, Part II

Slogans, jingles, and hemorrhoids are all a pain in the ass, but only one is easily escapable. Needless to say, I don't put a lot of stock in the asinine idea the the attitudes of an entire company's workforce can be distilled to a three-word, universally applicable credo, even if the majority of the people working within said company will swallow it, hook line and sinker. After all, there's still me and Ian, which makes a least two sparks of originality within the Safeway slave pool who refuse to be held to the idyllic corporate claptrap of "Giving our Best".

Nick's Top 5 Safeway Employee Slogans:


  1. Thank you for discussing the weather with me.
  2. If you can't lift it, you don't deserve to buy it.
  3. Anything for a hottie.
  4. I swear, if you think you're the first person to ask me to ride home with you and put your groceries away, and more to the point if you actually think it's funny, you have more issues to work through than the cast of Friends, including their real life addictions to drugs and prostitution.
  5. Fuck off.


Catchy, inspiring, and downright honest. I swear, someone should hire me to do this shit professionally. Someone besides Safeway - I don't think I'd be quite what they're looking for.
Posted 1/28/2002 08:18:02 AM by Nick Winnick

[stocker mentality]
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